A third batch of droppings rolling around on the floor of my mind, for your perusal, again, (in true "lazy bastard"-fashion,) in lieu of a proper posting.
1. In first grade, I thought Hallowe’en was such an important holiday! I remember even the crossing guard on the way to school wore a costume as early as September. It wasn’t until about mid to late November that I realized that he wasn’t wearing a pumpkin costume, he was just a fat bastard in an orange vest.
2. As a child, I used to put a chair on my bed, sit on it and wave to my toys, pretending I was in a parade. Does that say something about me?
3. Isn’t a remote control is essentially a voodoo doll for your television?
4. If werewolves can only be killed by silver bullets, we should make an army of them. Whoever we were going to war with would just look at how much it would cost to win, and give up!
Of course, then we’d have this huge werewolf problem to deal with...
5. I’ll bet the ancient Phoenician language was real easy to sound out...
6. While out to eat one night, we saw a party of priests. I couldn’t help wondering if they bless their own food and drinks. Cuz you just know, if I were a priest, every thing I ever drank would be blessed right up to baptism standards. Man, I’d be bulletproof.
7. I started my own “bucket list.” Item number one: To find and utilize the world’s most perfect ”Slinky Escalator.”
8. What happens if a poisonous spider bites his tongue?
9. I think that a flatware spectrum describing all eating utensils would probably have chopsticks at one end and the spork on the other. “Spork” is a funny word.
10. Seafood restaurants always decorate with mounted fish on the walls. How come chicken places don’t do that?