The first thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
Anything “As Seen On T.V.”
The second thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
The sleeved-blanket called a “Snuggie,”
And anything “As Seen On T.V.”
The third thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
The Sham-WOW super towel,
A backwards bathrobe called a “Snuggie,”
And anything described “As Seen On T.V.”
The fourth thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
Anything from Chia,
The Sham-WOW ultra rag,
That wizard’s Johnny called a “Snuggie,”
And anything “As Seen On T.V.”
The fifth thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
GIRLS... GONE... WILD!!!
Anything from Chia,
The "German-made" Sham-WOW,
That cult uniform-looking “Snuggie,”
And anything “As Seen On T.V.”
The sixth thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
A “Magic Bullet” mini blender,
GIRLS... GONE... WILD!!!
Please nothing from Chia!
I don't spill enough to need a SHAM-WOW,
“When blankets are too complicated, choose a Snuggie,”
And anything “As Seen On T.V.”
The seventh thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
A Suzanne Somers’ Thigh Master,
A “Magic Bullet” mini blender,
GIRLS... GONE... WILD!!! (Although those commercials are hot!)
A Chia anything!
The Beavis-sold SHAM-WOW,
The SpEd-Jedi wardrobe, “Snuggie,”
And anything “As Seen On T.V.”
The eighth thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
Any garden Weasel
That Suzanne Somers’-thing Thigh Master
A “Magic Bullet” mini blender,
GIRLS... GONE... WILD!!! (sigh.)
Chia -pet, -tree, -head, or -Scooby,
You need a headset to sell a Sham-WOW,
Not even a Sham-WOW material “Snuggie,”
And anything “As Seen On T.V.”
The ninth thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
Another frigging Clapper,
"Ninja weapon" Garden Weasel
Suzanne Somers did have great thighs!
A “Magic Bullet:” A blender, but small,
GIRLS... GONE... WILD!!! (Hubba-hubba!)
Cha-cha-cha-Chia!
Sham-WOW, (it's a wash cloth!)
Don't sit next to a stranger in a “Snuggie,”
And anything “As Seen On T.V.”
The tenth thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
A Topsy Tail, (given sarcastically,)
Seriously? A Clapper?
Garden Weasels scare me!
I used to have the hots for Suzanne Somers!
A “Magic Bullet” blending blender,
GIRLS... GONE... WILD!!! (Unless you can find it in 3-D!),
a Chia petri Dish!
Sham-WOWs make great diapers,
The Kris Kross dressing gown, “Snuggie,”
And anything “As Seen On T.V.”
The eleventh thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
Any K-Tel collection,
A Topsy Tail, (I get it, I’m bald,)
Who is lazy enough to need a Clapper?
A Garden Weasel killed my brother!
Suzanne Somers did have great thighs!
A “Magic Bullet” Margarita Maker!,
GIRLS... GONE... WILD!!! (*insert perverted laugh here!)
I should NOT have smoked that Chia!
I could use the Sham-WOW with those videos!
...Hiding under a “Snuggie,”
And anything “As Seen On T.V.”
The twelfth thing for Christmas, please don’t give to me:
Any Oxi Clean, (R.I.P. Billy Mays!)
A K-Tel crap-fest of any kind,
A Topsy Tail, (I swear, I’ll hit you!,)
No! You friggin’ “Clap Off!,”
Garden Weasels should be outlawed!
I'd watch Suzanne Somers’ "Go Wild!"
Make me a drink with my Magic Bullet Boat Drink Maker,
GIRLS... GONE... WILD!!! (unless you got it cheap!)
HOLY SHIT! A Chia Obama?!?
Sham-WOW; for the slob on your Christmas list,
Seriously. Does anyone OWN a “Snuggie?”
And anything “As Seen On T.V.”
BUT WAIT! You can also keep your Bedazzler, Ginsu Knives, Pasta-Pal, Ab-Roller, or anything from RonCo, Franklin Mint, or Tony Little.
Merry Christmas.
Uh, oh! Looks as if I need to make some returns. Really though, this is a great parody!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Margo!
ReplyDeleteI actually put this together because someone was thinking about getting me one of the items on this list.
Sort of a musical, preemptive strike!
BUT WAIT!!! What about the Handyman's Ove Glove? :) It's Machine washable. LOL Love ya Chris! You never cease to make me smile n laugh! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd Chris, I don't have accounts with the options provided to let you know it's Kristine, but it's me... :)
ReplyDelete