More Photoshop: Featuring ME!!

Still a lazy bastard at heart, I slapped together another post that required almost no additional work on my part !

But, since I DID once put some work into making these PhotoShop pix, I figger I will get the most out of 'em!

Hey, look at me! I'm recycling! (How "green!")

Experts

Here's me drinking with the Banana Splits. This is a "panel of experts" pop-up from my drinks recipes blog, "The Greatest Drink in the World... This Week."

Drooper is so shitfaced in that picture.

Eomancer

This is the picture from my "Eomancy" post from March of 2009. It was to help illustrate my particular psychic gift...

I made this a while back out of boredom. I never used it for anything and thusly it has no title.

I think I was hungry at the time...

ChiaChris: One of the shopped photos from my "Twelve Things for Christmas" post/song from last December.

With Christmas fast approaching, I should remind folks that I still feel this way!

Bosom Buddy

Um, yeah...

This needs some explaining... A friend started dating a woman with a HUGE rack. So, being the bastard that I am, I sent the above picture, hoping to rob some of his enjoyment by have this image pop into his head at just the right moment...

Eat Me!

Again, probably hungry while PhotoShopping!

This pic is sort of like a back-up avatar of mine, right after that goofy-looking angel!

Chris Dog

There is something just a little obscene about this one.

You have a difficult time looking at it, don't you? Be honest!

Dentist, My Ass

Obviously from last December. From my "Letters to Santa" series.

but the sentiment is true...

It ain't over. More PhotoShoppery is due, sooner or later.

Cheers.

Pie Day, Redux!

In Europe, they would write July 22nd as 22/7, and, (since I hadn’t thought if this back on March 14th,)  I thought I would use this date as an opportunity to discuss Pi, or rather Pie. 

Or more accurately, Pies.

Everyone loves pie. Oh, they will say they don’t and make an effort to not eat pie all that often, but when we drop the societal obligations and our pre-occupation with eating hyper-healthy and eschewing fatty, sugary, carb-y, foods that just simply rock, we must honestly admit that we all love pie.

Its okay! They are worthy of our love! 

Apple Pie, Lemon Meringue,  Blueberry, Pizza! I mean, C’mon, Pizza-damned-pie! Some folks dig that Mince-Meat thingy, others crave the pumpkin. I’ve always been a sucker for the Key Lime Pie myself!

But if the simple act of putting things into pies, (or “Pie-ing,” if I may coin a phrase,) makes everything so much better, how come more things aren’t pied?

I may begin a new hobby. Pieing. Not baking, far more specific. I will include all of my favorite food items and create a line of pies so delicious that I will swell to the size of a dump truck just on taste-testing. 

(Artist's rendering of me from the future... If I wore a top hat and cape, that is.)

My entrées line, (to make you forget that a “Chicken Pot Pie” ever sat in your mom’s oven!), may include my special Lamb Vindaloo Pie, a specialty that teems with flavors and spices of India, and perhaps a spicy Taco Pie that would make your Shepherd’s Pie look rather bland by comparison.

Beer Pie! Oh, yes! I said it! There will be a golden amber Beer Pie, a dark, (probably Guinness-based,) Porter Pie, maybe even a nice blueberry beer pie. This is a market waiting to pop! (Waiting, that is, until the ‘eating-healthy’ obsession in this country is finally succeeded by simply eating in moderation! Whoops! Soapbox alert! I’ll step down...)

To continue. The booze beverage-based baked goods, (THAT’S fun to say!) need not stop at beer! Let’s consider some exotics like Margarita Pie. Or a nice Kahlua Sombrero Pudding Pie! Talk about your 'fun-to-say,' hows-about a delicious Mai Tai Pai! Explosive little bundles of flavor to compliment your meal, and provide a decent little buzz, too. (This Mai Tai Pai idea has been haunting me since I first thought it up! I imagine it with chunks of pineapple and maraschino cherries suspended in a rum and amaretto-laced pineapple filling, maybe a hint of coconut in the topping... MMMmmmm!)

Not exactly like this...

Pieing. That's it! Pieing! This could well be the destiny of dessert pastries. Making this is yet another gratuitous peek into the future.

Oh, By the way, I have already begun this endeavor and my Bailey’s Irish Cream Pudding Pie is an absolute smash at parties. Feel free to write me for the recipe!

condron.us

Just a few random thoughts...

I've been a bit pre-occupied lately and thusly I didn't have anything new to write today, so I thought I would just purge a few random nuggets of thought that were rattling around inside my noggin...

1. I think Chinese Alphabits would be more interesting than the English version. With each character being a full word, you could have entire sentences on your spoon.

Kind of like an edible Mad-Libs!

2. I want to make a “Snuggie” made out of “Sham-Wow!” material. It can hold up to 8 two-liter bottles of spilled soda!

3. I kind of wish someone would breed and train gorillas to be matadors. It would make bullfights more interesting. And gorillas in those silly outfit would be funny!

4. Sometimes I just stare at the sky and smile in case of a satellite photo.

5. A list of words I think are dirty but aren’t: “Putin,” (yeah, as in Vladimir,) “Flagellate,” (makes me smirk just writing it,) “Can’t,” (but only when said with a Thurston Howell-like, Harvard accent.) and “expunge,” THAT just sounds absolutely filthy.

6. If we could clone people, then genetically manipulate the DNA to make them the opposite sex... Et viola! Instant Soul mates! What a romantic fool I be!

7. Sometimes, I will swallow a gulp or two of mouthwash. I’ll get just the slightest buzz and my breath is awesome! Double win!

8. Cats love fish but hate water. I love nature’s sense of irony.

9. Every now and again, I like to think an extemely graphic, dirty thought to see if there are any mindreaders in the area. If I catch anyone blushing, I look right at them and say, "Gotcha!"!

10. One time in high school, I tried to pop marijuana seeds like popcorn. Imagine a snack food that gave you the munchies! I thought I was gonna be rich!

11.

P.S. Another shout-out to Condron.us

The Red Sox Pantry

Outside of the ballpark, it used to be sports-related food was that little pink panel of linoleum in your baseball cards. Then Wheaties put sports on you breakfast table, (which led to “Flutie Flakes,” incidentally!) and the line between sports and foods was forever blurred. 

 But the Red Sox! These boys can market! And with an eye on the summer barbeque cuisine, too! Available on the grocer’s shelves currently, (or at least not too long ago,) are some of the following condiments:

Red Sox Hot Sauce, Red Sox Barbecue Sauce, and The Sox Three-Spice Kit, (including “Steak & Rib Rub” “Sweet BBQ Rub “ and Cajun Seasoning.) Also in the Sox pantry are Papi’s Salsa, Dustin Pedroia’s Salsa, and Youks Hot Sauce.

(I thought I’d omit the Pedro’s Salsa and the Manny’s Salsa.)

Red Sox Wines!

Good news, New England vinophiles! Longball cellars unveiled its Red Sox charity wines a couple of years ago with products consisting of Wakefield’s CaberKnuckle Cabernet Sauvignon, Captain’s Cabernet, Sauvignyoouuk Blanc, and Vintage Papi. There is even a hard-to-find Schilling Schardonnay and a Manny Being Merlot, (although I hear that one may contain artificial flavoring!) 

For more on these go to www.charitywines.com!

These make awesome gifts, by the way. Not that I have given them, but I would REALLY enjoy getting one! So, if any of my family are reading this, I will be hosting a summer shindig and this would be a welcome sight! Captain’s Cab looks especially good.

Me? I am holding out for some nice Red Sox Beers. Wouldn’t a Lugo Lager sound good right now? Maybe a Pedroia Pilsner? A nice Papi Porter? Dice-K Pale Ale? 

Eventually someone will listen to me, (or figger it out on their own,) and every sports bar in Boston will be selling this stuff like it was Crack!

You read it here first, though.