Showing posts with label vampires. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vampires. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Pansification of Vampires



The forthcoming Halloween season has made me take note of a fairly recent trend that I find bothersome, namely, this pansification of vampires.

Lemme 'splain...

Nowadays, there seems to be no shortage of vampire movies or T.V. shows. And they seem to mostly portray these monsters as sexy, glamorous, desirable, supermen/women with terrific hair!


And worse than that, this “New Breed” of vampire seems more interested in finding true love than to tear a throat out, drink the blood and live another day. “Sensitive vampires.” I ask ya!


All too frequently, the movies have attempted to “de-monsterize” the vampire by taking away it’s lethality, either through drinking blood in a more polite manner, or from animals, hitting blood-banks, or the most common method, by having the hip and hot, young, a-list bloodsucker attack and drink only from bad people.


In any case, the attempted goal is the same: to make vampires into sexy, strong, fast, superhuman immortals, that it is okay to fall in love with.


Make me sick.


Vampires should be first and foremost MONSTERS! Look here at this side-by side-comparison to see just what I am talking about...


Oh! I could go on. I could go on all night...

... et cetera, ad nauseam.



The sensitive, love-lorn vampire tale has an obvious flaw in its story, however. First, the vampire must find its true love, and then win it. Soon thoughts will turn towards marital bliss. Not long after, family planning becomes a priority. And so it goes.


The unavoidable outcome is that the vampire becomes a family man.



And we've all seen how THAT turns out!


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