E.W.I.

Last July, I wrote about a really nice little ukulele that I had apparently purchased one evening whilst "in my cups!"

I still enjoy playing this instrument, (although, not many others can say that THEY enjoy my playing!) and have no regrets about purchasing it, but I am not sure if I would have done so had I not refilled my glass quite so many times that evening!

Oh well. "Lesson learned," right?

Hmmm. Apparently not. Enter Ebay. I do enjoy Ebay. I don't always RECALL enjoying Ebay, but how can you NOT dig that PayPalone-click shopping! No need for focusing, or clear-headedness. Just "click!" and you are surrendering to impulse.

The following is a short list of items that I acquired whlie E.W.I., ('Ebaying While Intoxicated.') Let my shame be your enjoyment.

My "Posable" Elvis doll.

A little over 6 inches tall, sporting his 1973 "Aloha from Hawaii" (strictly coincidence, I swear!), white, bedazzled jumpsuit. This is fully posable, as long as you pose Elvis EXACLY the way you see him above.

Billy Beer!

This is CLEARLY not something I would have bought had a clearer head prevailed. "Y'know, I could really go for a 33 year old beer brewed by a guy who drank Pabst Blue Ribbon."

No.

The Mayor McCheese "Action Figure"

This one took me by surprise, I gotta admit. I thought that I dreamed buying this. A really good laugh when I unsuspectedly open this package!

This is for sale, by the way, if anybody is interested.

I also discovered OTHER purchases that I thought I would share here. This time from iTunes, (maybe I need an "i.W.I." posting, too!)

A bunch of songs by The Monkees.

Fortunately, I am a Monkees fan.

Uke Confession

Indulge me for a moment, whilst I purge my transgressions...

Not long back, I woke up one Saturday morning, (okay, I came to early one Saturday afternoon,) and went to check my email. 

I was greeted with a “Congratulations! You won this auction.” Of course, my curiosity was piqued, as I had no, (or at least, very few,) recollections from the previous night due to my extensive, (and intensive,) research into the perfect Mai Tai recipe!

Well apparently, I had gone online the night before, and not only bid on, but won, and paid for, a $65.00 ukulele just because it was shaped like a telecaster.

Ah Crap! I knew I was in deep doo-doo, so I decided to keep this from the missus. She does not believe in, nor understand the depths of U.A.S., (Ukulele Acquisition Syndrome, for the acronymically limited,) and has voiced her disapproval with the amount of stringed-instrument purchases I have made in the past: ukuleles, mandolins, Irish Bouzoukis, banjos, even a fiddle or two, all littering about the house accomplishing little more than reminding us both of my limitations as a musician, (or, more positively, my excessive success as ten-thumbed, noise-polluter!)

On the very day it had arrived, Cheryl, (the missus,) discovered the UPS slip, (by actually digging through my back pocket, no less! Fortunately, I wasn’t concealing anything more incriminating... That time!) She pulled it from my pocket and glared at me, “What’s this?”

Stymied, I stammered, “I can explain! I was drunk!” 

(Okay, pause here for a reality check! If you are ever in a position where you think “I was drunk!” can successfully follow the sentence, “I can explain,” you should know now, you have already lost your argument.)

Her first words were, “It isn’t another stringed instrument, is it?” At this point, I saw the futility of my predicament and had given up on trying to get out of the hole I had dug myself into, and I went with an excited, “You wanna see it?”

Okay, I was chastised for my impulse purchasing habits, and was reprimanded for my EWI, (Ebaying While Intoxicated,) and scolded for my attempts to hide my new acquisition from my wife, but, c’mon, it’s pretty cool looking isn’t it?