Indulge me for a moment, whilst I purge my transgressions...
Not long back, I woke up one Saturday morning, (okay, I came to early one Saturday afternoon,) and went to check my email.
I was greeted with a “Congratulations! You won this auction.” Of course, my curiosity was piqued, as I had no, (or at least, very few,) recollections from the previous night due to my extensive, (and intensive,) research into the perfect Mai Tai recipe!
Well apparently, I had gone online the night before, and not only bid on, but won, and paid for, a $65.00 ukulele just because it was shaped like a telecaster.
Ah Crap! I knew I was in deep doo-doo, so I decided to keep this from the missus. She does not believe in, nor understand the depths of U.A.S., (Ukulele Acquisition Syndrome, for the acronymically limited,) and has voiced her disapproval with the amount of stringed-instrument purchases I have made in the past: ukuleles, mandolins, Irish Bouzoukis, banjos, even a fiddle or two, all littering about the house accomplishing little more than reminding us both of my limitations as a musician, (or, more positively, my excessive success as ten-thumbed, noise-polluter!)
On the very day it had arrived, Cheryl, (the missus,) discovered the UPS slip, (by actually digging through my back pocket, no less! Fortunately, I wasn’t concealing anything more incriminating... That time!) She pulled it from my pocket and glared at me, “What’s this?”
Stymied, I stammered, “I can explain! I was drunk!”
(Okay, pause here for a reality check! If you are ever in a position where you think “I was drunk!” can successfully follow the sentence, “I can explain,” you should know now, you have already lost your argument.)
Her first words were, “It isn’t another stringed instrument, is it?” At this point, I saw the futility of my predicament and had given up on trying to get out of the hole I had dug myself into, and I went with an excited, “You wanna see it?”
Okay, I was chastised for my impulse purchasing habits, and was reprimanded for my EWI, (Ebaying While Intoxicated,) and scolded for my attempts to hide my new acquisition from my wife, but, c’mon, it’s pretty cool looking isn’t it?