Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Just because we're stupid, I guess.

Recently seen on a bottle of aspirin: front, “ASPIRIN”, 2½ inches in length with letters ½ inch high. On the back, “Active ingredient; Aspirin, 325 mg/per tablet,” and, honest to God, “Do not use if you are allergic to aspirin.”

Is this level of redundancy the only way to combat the litigious nature of ambulance-chasing freeloaders who leech off society through legal precedence? One would like to think that a judge would simply say, “You took something marked aspirin when you knew you were allergic to aspirin? You are an idiot. Case closed.”

Or are there people this stupid? If a bottle of aspirin says "Aspirin" and "active ingredient: Aspirin,"  is there a person who is allergic who would STILL take it if it weren't for further instructions saying not to?

I also purchased a watermelon recently with this sticker on it: ”SEEDLESS WATERMELON: May contain an occasional seed.” 

Got me to thinking about the level of redundancy that warning labels have reached in order to a) cover their own asses legally or b) to avoid mistakes from incredibly inventive stupid people. I started to look around for further evidence of these warning labels, but stopped. 

“Wait a moment!” I reminded myself, “I’m a lazy bastard! Someone else MUST’VE already done the work!” And, of course, I was right. Here are a few of the examples, (and there are a shitload!) from the ‘Things People Said’ section of

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it."

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

"Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.

And my favorite...

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

Oh, I wish I knew some of  people who made these types of labels necessary. Not well, but, you know, for a laugh.


  1. My two favorites:

    On a bag of peanuts from Southwest Airlines it said on the back "Contains Peanuts".

    On a bottle of prescription sleeping pills the pharmacy attached a label which said "May cause drowsiness".

  2. I'm eating peanuts right now! Planters Salted Peanuts.

    On the back, "Ingredients: Peanuts, Peanut and/or cottonseed oil, Salt.'
    Below that, same size print - "Contains: Peanut."

    It should have also said, "Just because we're stupid, I guess."

    Thanks, Capewood!


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