Technophobe's Illustrated #10

                                                                              Christopher P. Toler, 4/29/09

Jetsonian Fashions

Tomorrow, the missus and I fly the friendly skies, so I decided to do my Saturday posting a day early, (and apologies in advance for no postings this coming week.) 

It was this impending sky voyage that got me thinking, and reminded me of an ad I saw in a copy of LIFE magazine, (published in December of 1965. I got that issue because it  hit the newsstand on the day I was born. Pretty narcissistic, eh?)

Anyways, the mid sixties were right in the grip of an awareness of the dawn of the future. The U.S./Soviet Space Race was well and truly underway, the Boeing 707 had only recently become the first commercial “Jetliner,” and television sci-fi was running rampant, (with The Jetsons, Buck Rogers, Flash Gordon, Dr. Who, and, of course, Lost in Space, among others.) 

Also in the mid sixties, stewardesses, (no, it’s alright, they were still called stewardesses back then!), were still much more than air hostesses, they were sex symbols, (much the way many chicks view firemen nowadays,) and they dressed accordingly. Fashions were designed specifically for these women, that were stylish, sexy and DAMN! bright in the psychedelic colors!

“Not models! REAL stewardesses! 

“Dig that crazy footwear!”

And since such emphasis was placed on the physical appearance, the fact the the covered jet bridge arm for passengers to board planes was not as common as the jets meant that stewardesses had to walk passengers out to the tarmac to board via staircases. A mussed-up hairdo would have been the result and an occupational hazard like that simply would not do. Hence the bubble, (see the stewardess in the lower left modeling this so happily!)

“Note the “BRANIFF AIRLINES” Jet in the background.”

Or here, in one of my favorite pictures in the entire magazine!

“Simply Awesome.”

Sadly, the “Jetway” became ubiquitous enough to make the bubble obsolete. Sexism and sexual awareness teamed up with political awareness and “stewardesses” were no more, replaced by the more androgynously-garbed “flight attendants,” and the Jetsonian age ended with the cancellation of Star Trek and the end of the Space Race.

As I board my U.S. Airways 757 tomorrow, I will be longingly thinking about these pictures and air flight of yesteryear. My wife, Cheryl, however, has expressly forbid me to holler out any Austin Powers impersonation in a request to “Bring on the sexy stewardesses, baby!”

Technophobe's Illustrated #9

                                                        Christopher P. Toler, 4/15/2009

Wooing the Corporate Sponsor...

Today's posting brought to you by:

NABISCO; Former maker of FLINGS!

All the goodness of ham and cheese and roast chicken in a puffed up little snack!

Not just Cheese puffs any more...

Coming soon, Eggs Benedict-flavored FLINGS and Clam Chowder-flavored FLINGS!

True Equality

We like to believe ourselves an advanced enough culture to embrace equality. The days of Hitler’s purification of his "master race" are now seen as the product of the sick mind of a genocidal madman. That’s all fine and dandy, and a great little dream, but our actions speak louder than our words. The quest for uniformity must be some part of the human brain. The idea that organization and sameness means "better" must subconsciously cause us to section things off and remove the abnormal, exceptional, and different. 

The proof is out in front of our homes. That’s right, the lawn.

Every blade of grass is similar to the next, trimmed down for uniformity in height, watered for uniformity of color, weeded, tended, and manicured. A 6.5 horse-powered, easy-starting self-propelled lawn mower maintains this sameness, (with the labor-saving bagger attachments for the fallen troops!) 

But why are dandelions "inferior?" Has not Crabgrass aesthetic value? Who decides which is right and which is wrong?

Not at my house! No Sir-ree! This year, my lawn will grow wild. Crabgrass will live in peace among its brethren, dandelions will wave in the wind, and never will that specist term, "weed," be heard. 

People will see my lawn and say, "There is a man who believes in equality among all living things!" Maybe some might say "There is someone who is not afraid to buck the conventional train of thought."

Still others may say, "What a lazy bastard! Why doesn’t he cut this mess?" 

In any case, I get out of doing yard work and can spout off with righteous indignation at the same time. Now THAT’S what I call a win-win!

Technophobe's Illustrated #8

                                                            Christopher Toler, 4/8/2009

The Thing About Witches...

I am not talking about “Wiccans” or any practitioner of alternative faiths or lifestyles, in their flowing black Victorian garments of impracticability, pentagram pendants, and their "Blessed Be" greetings.
I am not talking about the “Sexy Witch” seen in any costume shop around Hallowe’en, (most often found in the same aisle as the “Sexy Cat” costume, the “Sexy Rabbit” costume, the “Sexy Vampire” costume, ad nauseam.)
Not Samantha from “Bewitched”, not the Archies comic book sorceress, “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” and not any alumna of Hogwarts.

I am talking about the scary witch. Green, mean, and a little obscene.

Now THIS is my kind of woman!

Thank you,

Chris

Technophobe's Illustrated #7