Saturday, April 11, 2009

True Equality

We like to believe ourselves an advanced enough culture to embrace equality. The days of Hitler’s purification of his "master race" are now seen as the product of the sick mind of a genocidal madman. That’s all fine and dandy, and a great little dream, but our actions speak louder than our words. The quest for uniformity must be some part of the human brain. The idea that organization and sameness means "better" must subconsciously cause us to section things off and remove the abnormal, exceptional, and different. 

The proof is out in front of our homes. That’s right, the lawn.

Every blade of grass is similar to the next, trimmed down for uniformity in height, watered for uniformity of color, weeded, tended, and manicured. A 6.5 horse-powered, easy-starting self-propelled lawn mower maintains this sameness, (with the labor-saving bagger attachments for the fallen troops!) 

But why are dandelions "inferior?" Has not Crabgrass aesthetic value? Who decides which is right and which is wrong?

Not at my house! 
No Sir-ree! This year, my lawn will grow wild. Crabgrass will live in peace among its brethren, dandelions will wave in the wind, and never will that specist term, "weed," be heard. 

People will see my lawn and say, "There is a man who believes in equality among all living things!" Maybe some might say "There is someone who is not afraid to buck the conventional train of thought."

Still others may say, "What a lazy bastard! Why doesn’t he cut this mess?" 

In any case, I get out of doing yard work and can spout off with righteous indignation at the same time. Now THAT’S what I call a win-win!


  1. I could see the conclusion to this story coming a mile away! Good for you, don't let your neighbors scorn and derision and mutters of "property values" stop you.

  2. I have one word for you to offer as rejoiner to those neighbors:


    Lawns are immature ecosystems. Don't be immature!

  3. Only you Chris....Could find an excuse that is plausible and damn right convincing, even to Cheryl, to get out of doing house work. Teach me...Master!!! Monz


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