Saturday, March 21, 2009

Eomancy: Divination By Commute

First of all, I am a non-believer. It is important that it is understood the way it has been written; open-ended. As in “I do not believe in...” (Insert anything here.) 

Wait a moment for that to sink in.

Thank you. Okay, yes, I do NOT believe in ghosts, luck, love-at-first-sight, God, the devil, reincarnation, the Loch Ness Monster, most conspiracy theories, the media, or, (and this is the point of today’s posting,) psychic phenomena. 

That said, I have just recently become aware of an unnerving trend in my daily life. I have somehow developed the ability to predict the events of my day by reading my morning drive to work, something that I have named “Eomancy,” or divination by commute.

A terrible day befell me recently. I knew it was winding up to slug me hard that morning. Every part of my morning commute went wrong. Things that would not have gone wrong, under normal circumstances, went wrong. I got up late with a bit of a headache, (hangover, whatever,) I left my morning coffee on the kitchen counter. My debit card came up “Unauthorized” when I tried to use it. I was cut off in traffic twice, I caught every red light, and there was, for some reason, construction tying up all traffic that day, (and that day only!) and, upon arrival at work, my tardiness manifested itself in a parking spot very far from the door, (did I mention it was raining?)

No, I am not whining about that commute. I am listing those things because, although my commute is only 40 minutes in the morning, I knew it was indicative of my day.

And it was. My work day did suck. Far more so than usual. No details are necessary, everyone has a crap day. Whatever. Part of the job, right? Fine. Yes, but I FORESAW it!

So, I now need to learn how certain elements of my commute affect the events of my day. Does getting stuck behind someone who swings way out to the right and blocks the right lane in order to take a left turn during my A.M. travels mean that I will get stuck in a boring meeting/conversation for an unreasonably long time?

Or perhaps finding myself at every red light mean that I will not be able to make any progress on my overdue paperwork?

Perhaps being cut off in traffic may warn of a reprimand from a superior, or waiting for a light next to guy who wants to share some awful music with the world means an impending headache... I don’t know. Some research is necessary. I may have to take data, and try some experiments.

Who knows, maybe, just maybe, I can manipulate my drive to work to control the day’s happenings! Then, I would have the power to affect real and true change. I would become a GOD!

Incidentally, on that work day when, aside from my epiphany regarding my new ability, everything totally sucked, my commute home was also long and slow. Upon arriving home, the telephone rang. I was going to try to rush to get to it, but I stopped. I figured that since everything I did ended up in unpleasantness today, I was NOT going to answer it. I was home, dammit. My day was done.

I was right. It was my mother-in-law. 

Yes. I am the Eomancer; reading the signs... of the road.

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