Yet Even MORE Photoshop: Featuring ME!!

Oh, it's true that I don't do much during my summer vacation. But every now and again, I get a "creative urge" to do SOMETHING, and PhotoShop is my usual outlet.

Here now is my latest batch of crimes against good taste, courtesy of Photoshop.

Oh, Baby, Baby...

Okay, in fairness, with this one, I actually set out to make something more creepy than that hot dog one from my previous posting... I think I came pretty close with this.

Chris van Gogh

This was an attempt to elicit a reaction from a classically-trained artist friend of mine. But, it was to no avail. She no longer replies to anything I say or do. (I must've REALLY pissed her off! Go figure.)

FLASH!!!

I was feeling kind of heroic one day, so I decided to hijack a Flash Gordon still. But, instead of looking all brave 'n' shit, I decided to make myself look as scared as possible of whatever was off camera. I think it adds a little depth of character.

In any case, big gun, eh?

I Am Your Sunshine...

Inspired by a nice New England heat wave, (and way too many people bitching about how hot it is!!!)

The NEW Cousin Oliver!

I really just wanted in on this. I may even try to blend it into my "Artificial Memories" collection.

That's it for now, I mean, I DO have a friggin' life, y'know!

Chris

The Best Defense...

"Defensive Driving” is fine and dandy for some, but if you live in a higher population density area,

like I do, you get a lot more total a-holes on the road, and frankly, defensive driving and polite roadway etiquette is not always possible, (Mother Theresa would be flipping someone the bird if she drove through my old neighborhood!)

So, it just makes sense that SOME ‘reactions’ should be permitted by law. Not ‘Road Rage’ incidents, just simple causality.

Here now, is my list of SUGGESTED responses to assorted traffic infractions.

Y'know, thinking it through, if everybody responded to bad-driving scenarios like this, incidents of such poor road practices would probably decrease, thereby making a safer driving experience for us, and our children.

And don't the children deserve it?

Sponsored by the Chris Toler for President Campaign

Da bomb!

With the recent rash of bombings in my neighborhood, (yes! Bombings!) and Hallowe'en's rapid approach, I am reminded of the year that I decided to dress up as the Unabomber.

No! Not Ted Kaczynski's UnaBomber mugshot, the police sketch artist's version.

The two are so different that it got me thinking, ANYONE could have been that guy!

"All Points Bulletin: Be on the lookout for Magnum P.I.!"

And being frequently bored with the stuff I am supposed to be doing, (A.K.A., life,) I chose to fire up the photoshop and test my theory.

Since anyone with a hood, mustache and sunglasses could fit the description of this "artist," (I don't think the guy could draw hair or eyes,) I compiled an ALTERNATIVE list of suspects.

And I'm keeping my eyes on these ones...

Sixties rock singer and former political figure, Sonny Bono:

Actually, he's pretty much in the clear.

Anchorman, Ron Burgundy:

Adult film star, Ron Jeremy:

Coffee Baron Juan Valdez:

Seventies sitcom star, Mr. Kotter:

"Welcome back!"

Simpsons neighbor Ned "Diddly" Flanders:

Or even,

Muppet & boomerang-fish master Lew Zealand!

Lastly, from that Hallowe'en of years past, here is me in that costume, (and that's the missus dressed up as a "Mobile-Home-coming Queen.")

Happy Hallowe'en.