Sunday, January 18, 2009

There's Always Room For... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!

Cleaning out my mother's house recently I came across a recipe book that kinda blew my mind. Words alone can't do these recipes justice so I included a few pictures. Here now, in glorious color, (75% of it anyways,) is The Joys of Jell-O Recipe Book. 

Just look at that. Fruity and refreshing looking. Surely Jell-O gelatin must be good for a shitload of tasty treats and sides.
Oh, but there is a dark side. 
In an effort to expand upon the available variety of Jell-O-based dishes, the makers of the Jell-O recipe book reached a bit too high. The result was nothing less than an abomination of science. And, luckily, I have the photos to prove it!

This first one is my favorite photos in the book. Yep, those are olives and chunks of celery and cucumber slices. And, of course, big ol' hunks of tuna all in a delicious quivering mass of lime Jell-O. Imagine the reception you'd receive at bringing this baby to a luncheon!

Next, need a fun, wiggly way to get the kiddies to eat their veggies? Then fer crissakes, Jell it! 

New for 1963, Jell-O has introduced "Salad Gelatins;" Celery or Mixed Vegetable flavors. These make for the foundation of The Vegetable Trio, with shredded carrot, cabbage, and spinach with chives. 


(Like that garnish is making it any more appetizing....)

WARNING: The following is not for the squeamish!

Lastly, and apologies for the lack of color on this photo, but it is probably for the better, is what I think is the the Jewel in the Joys of Jell-O crown, "The DeLuxe Tuna Salad!"

YES! That caption reads, "Mayonnaise makes the salad creamy!!!"
I mean, for the love of God! This thing has peas, and olives, and canned fish in it! Does it really 
need creaminess?!? 

God, the sixties were a fucked-up time.

This book has become a treasured addition to my library. Some of its other offerings, (and there are hundreds,) include Party Potato Salad, Herb-Glazed Open-Faced Sandwiches, Molded Chef's Salad, Barbecue Cubes, to "accent a tossed salad," Ham Mousse, and something called Continental Cheese Mold, which is apparently to be served with crackers.

This is a real book. I swear I am not making this up, (nor do I think I could make this shit up.) 

However, since someone out there is probably looking for that perfect food contribution to bring to a family gathering, (probably with in-laws,) feel free to write me for a recipe, and soon you, too, will know... 

The Joys Of Jell-O.

Originally written and posted by me, Chris Toler, back in February, 2008.


  1. Chris!
    Hilarious, simply hilarious.

    I am going to see your "Jello Bible" and raise you one "historical recipe atrocity"! Let's have a "kitchen-off"! I challenge you!

    If you are "game" (ouch) I'll post my first "challenge" on my blog "Nightingale Songs"

    Maggi Dalton

  2. I am always up for a challenge!

    Bring it on!

  3. You're on!
    Be prepared, fella.
    Bring a heapin' helpin' of DYSPEPSIA BREAD.
    With a grin,
    Maggi, the Anti-Martha Stewart

    Hey, by the way, the creations with canned tuna were our And gotta love that green olive with pimento staring you in the face from behind the gelatinous curtain. Yum.


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