Saturday, January 31, 2009

Unlikely Events PSA

Like most people, there are things in life that I try to avoid out of dislike; traffic, my mother-in-law, eating soup with someone with a lateral lisp, circus folk, et cetera, and then there are things that I try to avoid out of fear; sharks, (which just makes sense!,) and heights, (or rather, falling from heights, or rather landing after falling from heights, or rather crushing multiple bones during landing after falling from heights. This also, just makes sense.)
These "fears," are, to me, anyways, just wise choices of things to avoid. I see nothing irrational about them and don't care to try to overcome them. My life is not inconvenienced by choosing to steer clear of being bitten by a huge, unseen mouth full of razor-sharp teeth or dropping to the ground and having my spine shatter upon impact. I'm good.

However, recently I became aware of some unsettling concerns involving
very unlikely circumstances that, so far, I have no reason to believe will take place, yet find myself holding my breath nonetheless. These concerns are irrational and make most phobias seem like passing thoughts. See what I mean...

- When I am taking a leak, (urinating, for the vernacularly limited,) I have lately found myself worried that I was actually still asleep, and dreaming that I was peeing, and in dreaming this, wetting the bed!

- When changing my clothes, I have developed the concern that if it is warm and there are no sounds or smells, if I close my eyes and jump off of the ground, I will have absolutely no sensory input, and will, in that brief instant, cease to exist. Vanish. Gone. I always keep at least one foot on the floor when naked.

- Not exactly a fear, but often, I worry about telepaths. Someone with the ability to read minds. To play it safe, when I am entering a password on my computer, I spell in my head a different word entirely. Same with numbers. I do one thing and force myself to think something unrelated and different. This does lead to mistakes and doing things over quite a bit, but so far, no psychics have stolen my identity or information!

- Breathing through my mouth. Again, not exactly a "phobia" or even a fear. More of an awareness of the worst-case scenario. When there is a really bad smell in the air, say, something unavoidable, like being stuck in traffic behind a garbage truck in August, people tell you to breathe through your mouth so that you won't smell it. But smells are carried on little, tiny molecules through the air. If you breathe through your mouth, those molecules are getting in you through there! At least in the nose you have nose hairs the catch and filter out molecules like this! Call this irrational, I don't care.
I refuse to eat stink molecules!

So, perhaps I am alone in these, uh, 'concerns,' and perhaps these concerns aren't rational or founded in any sense of probability, possibility or reality, but if just one person reads this, sees the wisdom in some of my precautions, and adopts these practices himself, maybe that person will be able to avoid being on the losing end if the "unrealistic" does happen, and, if so, I am thusly vindicated.

Good luck and stay safe.

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