Monday, August 3, 2009

"Among the Sasquatch"

Jane Goodall’s study of Chimpanzee’s, Dian Fossey’s ‘Gorillas in the Mist’, and now...
What is left? Where is the next primatology study hotspot? I’ll tell you! Or rather, I’ll show you!

‘Among the Sasquatch!’ Oh, you read right, friends! Your humble author is on the edge of a monumental study of our NEW closest living relatives, the Bigfoot!

The plan is simple, really. A tree-stand, some motion-activated cameras, infra-red scopes, and a bucketload of patience and luck.

I will live in the trees, but strategically mark out territory with urine much like a bear or cat, (or possibly, a Sasquatch!) and use these territorial markings to “guide” the human-wary Bigfoot into a place where documentation of its existence is assured. Then, a carefully devised trap to ensnare the sub-human would allow me to free the beast, and thusly win over its trust.

It may require several such “chance” encounters, over a period of months, but eventually, I should safely be welcomed into their culture, as simply a follicly-challenged member of their society. It is from this vantage point that I will learn all about the Sasquatch; its attitudes, its language, its familiar infrastructure, and document it for my forthcoming, Nobel Prize-winning documentary.

This is only a dramatization of what MIGHT happen...

Yes, science will gain an understanding of this elusive creature, and my name will live beyond eternity as the cryptozoologist who never gave up believing!

A future honorary-Sasquatch tribe member...

Okay, true, this plan hinges on my receiving a big, fat grant in order to jump-start this little expedition, but I am sure that the delay in that is merely a paperwork glitch. This type of thing takes some time...

Once the grant approval comes through, however, mankind will enter into a new age of understanding, a new dawn of zoology, a new era of awareness. All ushered in by me.

Pretty awesome, huh?

For a dated, pre-greatness, autographed photo of me, your humble author, leave a comment requesting contact information and send $20.00 in cash or cashier's check to the address provided.


  1. Those are Wookies!

  2. Oh, c'mon. There's no such things as wookies!
    Those are sasquatch!


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