Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Pansification of Vampires

The forthcoming Halloween season has made me take note of a fairly recent trend that I find bothersome, namely, this pansification of vampires.

Lemme 'splain...

Nowadays, there seems to be no shortage of vampire movies or T.V. shows. And they seem to mostly portray these monsters as sexy, glamorous, desirable, supermen/women with terrific hair!

And worse than that, this “New Breed” of vampire seems more interested in finding true love than to tear a throat out, drink the blood and live another day. “Sensitive vampires.” I ask ya!

All too frequently, the movies have attempted to “de-monsterize” the vampire by taking away it’s lethality, either through drinking blood in a more polite manner, or from animals, hitting blood-banks, or the most common method, by having the hip and hot, young, a-list bloodsucker attack and drink only from bad people.

In any case, the attempted goal is the same: to make vampires into sexy, strong, fast, superhuman immortals, that it is okay to fall in love with.

Make me sick.

Vampires should be first and foremost MONSTERS! Look here at this side-by side-comparison to see just what I am talking about...

Oh! I could go on. I could go on all night...

... et cetera, ad nauseam.

The sensitive, love-lorn vampire tale has an obvious flaw in its story, however. First, the vampire must find its true love, and then win it. Soon thoughts will turn towards marital bliss. Not long after, family planning becomes a priority. And so it goes.

The unavoidable outcome is that the vampire becomes a family man.

And we've all seen how THAT turns out!


  1. TeeHeehee....the past pic cracked me up!

  2. I Think the "sensitivation" (if you will) of vampires began with "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" TV show. However, to give it its due, it was funny, topical and had the usual nasty evil, bad guy, vampire as well as the sensitive Angel. Twighlight....haven't read it or seen and do not want too.

  3. Ditto here. The whole brooding, dark, anti-hero thing is pretty overdone.

    I think Ann Rice was a key player in the romanticism of the vampire with her "Lestat" series. People seem to be building off of her platform more and more. But not always for the better.

  4. Soon teenage girls will be falling for mummies and zombies and werewolves and lawyers, too.
    I wonder what Frankenstein would wear to the prom...

  5. Yikes!!! I think the vampire in Salem's Lot has to be the scariest vampire ever! It gives me chills just looking at the poster.

  6. My mind immediately went to that scene in 'Young Frankenstein' where the Doctor and the Creature sing "Putting on the Ritz" in tuxedos!


  7. Me-Me: Yeah! Great isn't it? I think it was designed after the vampire in the silent 1920's "Nosferatu."

    Hardly the snuggle-bunny!

  8. I was sitting here trying to remember the last Vampire movie I saw in which a Vampire wasn't a sensitive goody two-shoes. The only one I could think of in the last decade was Van Helsing.

  9. FreakSmack: I went through the same thing! I came up with "30 Days of Night," (GOOD FLICK!), but that was about it since "Lost Boys."


Blog Widget by LinkWithin