Pet Design Flaws

If only pets were more like vehicles. You’d still have your different makes to choose from; dog, cat, bird, etc, as well as the various models, but the styles would change every few years and, (hopefully,) the designers would take care of some of those pesky design flaws.

Dogs would have had the whole ass-sniffing thing taken care of. The ‘Parrot’ line of the Birds model would finally have shed that stigmatizing cracker dependence. Goldfish, well, the entire goldfish line is pretty sweet. I have no complaints there. But Cats...

But before I continue, I just need to say that I am not specist, (and if there were more than one cognizant species sharing the earth, this term would be the big buzz-phrase; “Oh, sure, it pulled the ‘Species’ card! Typical!”) but it appears to me, that there are just too many obvious design flaws with the entire house cat line.

I have been a cat owner for many years, and it blows my mind that the following things like this are overlooked when people choose a cat as a pet. The design flaws on this animal are so numerous that as a commercial product, this would be tagged a “lemon” by all but the most forgiving pet enthusiasts, (you know, the kind that take in three-legged, Pot-bellied pigs with colostomy bags, or Chihuahua owners.)

Some of the features that would be get mentioned in any Consumer Advocate review:

Scratching:

An optional “clawless” model is available, but only with some aftermarket alterations that can dramatically reduce your house cat model’s performance should it get outside and require the standard tree-climbing and/or fighting features. No factory plans to address this.

Hairballs:

Easily the most disgusting feature available on the house cat, the Hairball feature has remained an unchanged standard on all models. Justifications from the factory rationalize it as necessary for the “Self-Cleaning” feature.

Fighting:

The Housecat line has decided to continue with its under-appreciated “Constant Fighting” feature, despite petitions to discontinue it. Complaints of repair costs, medications, and yowling-under-quarantines, aren’t enough to persuade designers, apparently, and this feature is carried over for future models.

Spraying:

In the automotive world, this little feature would have equaled instant recall!

Litter box sand all over the house, cat hair on your clothes, foot prints on the kitchen counters, chewed wires, winding around underfoot and that damned, whiney yowl noise are all particular traits to this model, and should be weighed against the desired features when considering the 2009 House Cat as your next pet.

Cats: The Ford Pinto of the pet world.