Monday, March 15, 2010

Facts about Leprechauns*

*Believe it or not, yet another batch of lesser known and entirely fabricated "facts" about Leprechauns, (will it never end?!?) This time, based on accounts from the fifth entry into the Leprechaun film saga, Leprechaun 5: In tha Hood!



1. Leprechauns are “the dark elves of Satan" and the gold is the ransom for their freedom.


2. According to “Leprechauns for Dummies,” A leprechaun can temporarily lose his power if he’s hit with the "essence" of a four-leaf clover. (What does "essence" mean? Well, mix it in with his pot! Because, well, see number 3.)


3. Leprechauns smoke a lot of pot. (I mean BALES of it!)


4. Scientific formula: "Douche + lubricant = combustability. Combustibility + electricity = flammability." However, leprechauns are apparently “hygiene-product chemical fires”-proof. (During the course of this film, this formula was tested and proven with success during a practical application. I DON'T WRITE THIS SHIT!!!)


5. Leprechauns can turn anyone into green-eyed zombie disciples by touching their forehead. And THEN call them into action by saying, “From the depths of the netherworld I summon you - My zombie fly girls!” ("Fly" girls?)



6. Leprechauns are natural rappers. (Don't believe me? See for yourself!)

video

Lyrics to "Lep in the Hood"


"I come from the land of the Irish spring
Dublin's the place where I learned my thing
From the Emerald Isle to your place in the hood
I'm the man of green come to do no good


Lep in the Hood, come to do no good
Lep in the Hood, come to do no good


Plenteous dope, this place is hype
There's a lassie, she's just my type
I hate to resort so soon to magic
Haven't been laid in so long it's tragic


I'm so bad, I'm good


I'll show you what to do, so lend an ear
Don't worry, little lassie, you've got nothing to fear
Sit with the lad who's lean and green
And let me show you why I'm a love machine


Come to do no good


I'm a wee green guy who's new to town
Show me what you do when you get down
I'll do up, you go down
We'll cause a scene, you'll love the green


Lep in the Hood, come to do no good
Lep in the Hood, when we're bad, we're good


From the cliffs of Moher to your front door
Better turn out the lights and pray some more
We're gonna party through the night until the dawn
Then you and I are gonna get it on.


Lep in the Hood, come to do no good

Lep in the Hood, come to do no good


Lep in the Hood, come to do no good
Lep in the Hood ...


Come to do no good."

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